Mar 20

Written by: Thryon
3/20/2009 5:49 PM  RssIcon

Box Art
"So would you kindly f**k off? "
Jumper: Griffin's Story
Release Date: February 12, 2008
Developer: Brash Entertainment
ESRB Rating: Teen
Reviewed by: Brian Wray
"So would you kindly f**k off? " That quote from the movie (which was quite good btw), is what you will be screaming towards your TV after having played this game for only a few minutes.

Jumper is a movie tie-in game, for this reason any hopes of this game to be any good was very low. In fact, I fully expected this game to be about as much fun as removing all my facial hair with a pair of tweezers. I am glad to say that I was not disappointed.

I honestly do not know where to start with this game. The graphics could be considered good, if I was playing this game on the Wii, but on the Xbox 360 they look like absolute garbage. Never before have I seen so much clipping in a game. I literally had to restart a level several times, as Griffin (the protagonist) would walk into a barrel and remain stuck there, unable to move or teleport out of this predicament. And that is another sore point, for a game that features a teleporter, I have never felt so limited in movement.
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It was not just the graphics that sucked lemons, as every aspect of this game made me wish a was sitting in one of those deadly Jigsaw traps (from the Saw movie series, in case you did not know). At least then I knew that the end was soon at hand.

I am not saying that this game is without any merit. For one, gamers will love the easy 500 achievement points that can be obtained before that overwhelming urge to gouge out their own eyeballs kicks in. Secondly, this is an opportunity for gamers to test their mettle as an achievement junkie. If anyone can tough it out long enough to finish the game, they would be respected by all (kind of like how we respect those foolish enough to lie on a bed of nails, or sleep with rattle snakes).
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I normally cannot sum up a game in one word, but I will make an exception for Jumper. Garbage!

When it comes down to it, the best thing I can say about this game is that the developers saved me the agony of writing another boring lengthy review filled with nothing but praises
--Brian Wray

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